Frustrated parents and teachers who find that their sincere efforts to guide, instruct, and encourage are often ignored will sometimes take comfort in an old adage that still carries a stable-full of wisdom: “You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make it drink.”
The truth of this proverb can feel both freeing and frustrating. On one hand, it relieves us of a burden we were never meant to shoulder—after all, only the Holy Spirit can truly change a heart. On the other hand, it humbles us with the realization that we cannot force the results we long to see. So how do we faithfully lead without trying to “horse around” with control that doesn’t belong to us? Instead of looking to behaviorists (who advocate carrots and sticks), motivational speakers (who insist that their latest seminars will fix every “unbridled” behavior), or modern neuroscience (which promises all the answers in the latest brain research), we must look for a higher trail.
Model Wisdom – Children are remarkably perceptive, able to sniff out when faith and learning are worn like a heavy harness of obligation rather than embraced with joy. When they see genuine love, humility, and peace in your life, the water begins to sparkle. This isn’t about putting on a polished performance, but being honest about your own stumbles. Show them what it looks like to thirst—and to be satisfied. A living faith and demonstrated insight are far more persuasive than a lecture that merely trots out the same tired talking points.
Build a Relationship – A horse that trusts its trainer is far more likely to follow. Similarly, children who feel known and loved are far more open to guidance. If every interaction feels like a loaded inspection or a correction session, don’t be surprised if they dig in their hooves or bolt. Trust is not built through control, but through care. Jesus modeled this beautifully. He didn’t deliver truth from a distance, but walked alongside his disciples, eating with them, and patiently teaching them along the way. If the Son of God chose a relational path rather than a forced march, we should be wary of trying to gallop ahead of the process. Lasting growth is more like a long-distance trail ride than a sprint around the arena.
Trust God with the Timing – Some horses are eager and quick, while others are stubborn and slow to approach the water. In the same way, children respond to God’s work in different seasons. While it can be discouraging when there is tugging on the reins rather than immediate results, your faithful presence, prayers, and example are never wasted. God often uses seeds planted long ago to bring about a harvest much later. Don’t give up or assume failure too quickly, as the story isn’t finished yet.
Keep Leading the Way – Note that the proverb doesn’t say, “Since you can’t make the horse drink, stop leading it to water.” On the contrary, this leading is the very core of your calling as a parent or teacher. Continue to bring them to Scripture. Continue to pray with them and for them. Continue to
surround them with a community of believers. Even if they resist now, they will know exactly where the water is located when the thirst finally comes. Christian parenting and teaching require diligence and godliness and perseverance. Simply put: If you are consistently drinking deeply from the same living water yourself, then the pony will likely be eager to drink as well.
Tom Bradshaw has been serving as Cedar Tree’s headmaster since 2006. This article was first published in 2026.
